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Childbirth jokes


6 Jokes

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"Push harder!" I shouted to my wife while she was in labor. "Fuck off you asshole!" she screamed back at me. I thought that was harsh... It wasn't my fault the car broke down halfway to the hospital.
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Pregnant Patient: Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Can't!
Psychiatrist: Calm down. Are you angry about something?
Pregnant Patient: I'm having contractions!
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A man panics, saying into the phone "my wife is having a baby and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"

The doctor on the phone asks "is this her first child?" The man shouts back "no, you idiot! This is her *husband*!"
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"She has a lot on her plate. She was even too busy to attend the birth of her child."
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Did you know somewhere in the world a woman gives birth to a child every minute?
We have to find this woman and stop her!
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You must've been born on the highway cuz that's where most accidents happen!
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