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Christmas jokes


12 Jokes

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Why was Christmas cancelled?
You told Santa Claus you had been good this year and he died laughing!
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Why's Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work but the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
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Letter to Santa Claus...

Dear Santa Claus,

I stayed up all night last Christmas and I didn't see you come down the chimney? Are you going to come this year?



Dear Timmy,

Get a clue kid! Do you think there's time to make it to every house? Put a hundred next to the cookies this time and I'll see if I can pull some strings.

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On Christmas Eve mom is preparing last-minute decorations in the family room. Her daughter Sally tells her not to forget putting out the treat for Santa by the fireplace. The mom thanks Sally and hurries to the kitchen for the treat. When she later puts Sally to bed she says "Mom, why did you put a can of Slim-Fast by Santa's treat?" Anxious to get back downstairs to finish the decorations mom replies "Daddy is on a diet."
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On Christmas the judge asked the accused "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," the defendant said.
"That's no crime," said the judge. "How early were you doing it?"
"Before the store opened."
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Boss: Who said that, just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you don't have to do your work around here?
Secretary: My lawyer.
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Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?
Because he only comes once a year. When he does it's down the chimney.
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Husband: Do you think it will snow Christmas Eve night, honey?
Wife: No, I think it will reindeer.
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T-Shirt: I'm not Santa but you can still sit on my lap!
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Did you hear Santa is getting a divorce?
He got caught laying a doll under the tree last year.
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Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets on Christmas?
They were originally made for children but it's the fathers who want to play with them.
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Why is there an L in NOEL?
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No presents this year