Santa, Baby: A Short & Sexy XXXmas Story
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Dirty Nursery Rhyme jokes

  
Requested in Adult & Dirty by NumeroOcho
edited by MC Jester

96 Jokes

30 like 0 dislike
Roll, roll, roll your joint,
pass it down the line,
take a toke and hold the smoke,
blow your fuckin' mind!
28 like 0 dislike
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun,
Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass,
cuz the bitch couldn't make him cum
23 like 0 dislike
The Big Bad Wolf told Little Red Riding Hood to lift her top so he could suck her tits. "No," she said, lifting her skirt, "eat me like the fuckin' book says!"
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23 like 0 dislike
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack jumped over the candlestick.
But Jack wasn't nimble,
And Jack wasn't quick,
So Jack went home with a charbroiled dick!
23 like 0 dislike
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke a little leaf,
Jack got high and pulled down his fly,
and Jill said "Where's the beef?"
20 like 0 dislike
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and used to beat her.
Punched her twice in the head,
Fucked her ass and went to bed.
17 like 0 dislike
Hickory Dickory Dock,
This bitch was suckin' my cock,
The clock struck two,
I dumped my goo,
And dumped her at the end of the block!
17 like 0 dislike
There once was a young man from Kent,
Whose cock was so long that it bent.
When starting to screw,
It folded in two,
And instead of cumming he went.
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16 like 0 dislike
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could see Jill's fanny,
Jack got a shock,
And an eye full of cock,
Because Jill was a closet tranny.
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15 like 0 dislike
Roll, roll, roll your joint,
twist it at the end,
take a puff,
that's enough and pass it to a friend!
13 like 0 dislike
Mary had a little lamb,
its fleece was black as charcoal,
every time she stroked it,
sparks flew out its asshole.
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13 like 0 dislike
jake and jill went up the hil
so jack could lick her candy
jack got a shock
a mouth full of cock
cause jill's real name was randy
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12 like 0 dislike
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpy Dumpty had a great fall,
All the king's horses and all the kings men,
Finally had fucking eggs for breakfast again!
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11 like 0 dislike
Little Bo Peep fucked a sheep,
blew a horse, licked his feet,
she ate his ass, so very nice,
tongued his balls, not once but twice.
10 like 0 dislike
A confused young lady named Alice
Used a dynamite stick as a phallus
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And bits of her tits were in Dallas!
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9 like 0 dislike
A mad scientist from Racine,
Invented a beat-off machine,
On the ninety-ninth stroke,
The goddamn thing broke,
And beat his balls into cream.
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8 like 0 dislike
Jack and Jill went up the hill and planned to do some kissing,
Jack took a pass and grabbed her ass,
and now two of his teeth are missing.
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7 like 0 dislike
Little Johnny Horner sat in the corner eating a pizza pie, he shit pepperoni, blew his friend tony and wiped his mouth on his tie
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6 like 0 dislike
Roses are red violates are blue i love ur legs but wuts in between
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6 like 0 dislike
Walking thru the jungle with my dick in my hand meanest mother fucker in congo land... Look up in a tree what did i see black MF tryn piss on me... So i picked up a rock hit him in the cock watched that nigger do the jungle rock...
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6 like 0 dislike
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could have sex jack fucked Jill so hard his dick got stuck in her
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5 like 0 dislike
Mary Mary quite contrary,
shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.
5 like 0 dislike
i'm not calling you a slut, i'm calling you a penny : two faced, worthless and in everyone's pants.
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4 like 0 dislike
There once was a man called Dave

Who kept a dead whore in a cave

He says " I admit, I'm a bit of a shit

But think of the money I save"
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4 like 0 dislike
Rapunzel Rapunzel, cut down your hair!
Your pussy is too hairy for yo mama to care!
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4 like 0 dislike
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go to see their daughter jack slipped and fell and said what the hell and know they have another trotter!
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3 like 0 dislike
Humpty Dumpty sat the bed little no peep was giving him head as he came she started to weep She could tell by the taste that he'd been shagging her sheep
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3 like 0 dislike
Twinkle twinkle little star
How I fucked your mom in the car
You were next and when I was done all u said is
Don't cum don't cum
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3 like 0 dislike
Little boy blue, he needed the money
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3 like 0 dislike
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow?
I live in a flat you fucking twat so how the fuck should I know.
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2 like 0 dislike
Hickory Dickery Dock
A Tramp ran up and sucked my cock
She took a shot
Until the Cum Stop
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2 like 0 dislike
They all say she ain't no good,
And I don't give a shit,
Maybe she's a loser,
But she's got some tits!
2 like 0 dislike
why was the guitar teacher arrested? for fingering a minor
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2 like 0 dislike
What did Hitler (Mein F├╝hrer) do when his mom walked into his kitchen?

He shut the ovens and the gas off.
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2 like 0 dislike
There once was a man from Peru and he fell asleep in a canoe, while dreaming about Venus and playing with his penus he woke with a handful of goo
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edited by a contributor
1 like 0 dislike
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it,
He said quite crass,
As he lubed up his ass,
At last I've found a place I can tuck it!
1 like 0 dislike
What did the Violinist say to the stripper?

How much to finger my instrument?
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1 like 0 dislike
What did the mathematician say to the stripper?

Subtract your clothes and divide your legs, and I will add the sperm to multiply.
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1 like 0 dislike
There once was this man named Crocket  he put his dick in a socket a bitch came in and turned on the switch and crocket took off like a rocket
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