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Holocaust jokes

  
Requested in Society & Nature by a contributor
edited by MC Jester

295 Jokes

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What's the difference between a Jew and Harry potter? Harry potter came out of the chamber
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Christians always go on about the time Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes

What about Hitler? He made six million Jews toast

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Holocaust jokes aren't funny anne frankly I'm sick of them!
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"I was talking to this hot holocaust survivor the other day so I asked her for her number."
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What is the difference between a ton of coal and 1,000 Jews?
Jews burn longer!
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What does a Jewish American Princess do during a nuclear holocaust?
Gets out her sun reflector!
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Why don't Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?
They give them gas.
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Shared by NumeroOcho
edited by MC Jester
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What do hippies and jews have in common?  They both bake at 420
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why did Hitler get hit by the baseball?

He did Nazi it coming
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What's the difference between boy scouts and jews? Boy Scouts come home from camp.
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how do you make a jew fly? with a slight breeze.
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Everyone needs to stop making Holocaust jokes! Can you nazi how hurtful they are?
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German officer: right guys get up today you will be playing cricket you will be playing in the ASHES
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The former Nazi concentration camp of Auschwitz has been re-opened as a tourist attraction and memorial.

I wrote to the owners to suggest they call the place 'Jewgassic Park', but they never replied.
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What band was formed by French holocaust survivors?
Jew Ran Jew Ran
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My son has blonde hair and blue eyes. Your kids may be cute but at least I know MINE wouldn't have died in the Holocaust!
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What do you call a Jewixh Pokemon trainer? Ash.
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My mom died of skin cancer, she was a bitch anyways
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Hitler approaches a group of children in a concentration camp and starts talking to them. He asks the first child:"how high can u jump, kid?" and is answered:"1 meter high sir!" hitler nods and gives him 1 loaf of bread. He asks a second kid the same and is answered:"2 meters, sir!" hitler again nods and gives this kid 2 loaves of bread. He then asks the third and final kid and is answered:"4 meters, sir!" hitler draws out his gun and shoots the kid dead where he stands, saying:" dangerous, this one, could've jumped the fence!"
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31 like 0 dislike
What's the difference between a jew and a penis?
Hitler likes one and doesn't like the other.
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Where were black Jews first discovered? At the back of the oven
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Question: Whats the difference between a Jew and Santa Claus

Answer: Santa Claus goes down the chimney
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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza only one comes out of the oven
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Laura: My mom never bought me an easy bake oven when I was a child.
Tom: That's probably a good thing since you're Jewish!
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How do you get a Jewish girls number? You roll up her sleeve
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What do Jews say when they are asked to go on a train. they say 'I'm not falling for that trick again!'
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Why will the Jews never forget the holocaust?
Because it sounds like "low cost!"
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Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating...1.1 million stars.
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what's the difference between a lobster and a jew?

a lobster actually tastes good after being boiled.
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Why would the Holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic?

Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower.
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Hans Lipschis, 93, has been arrested in Germany on suspicion of having been a guard at Auschwitz during the Holocaust.

He admits to working there, but claims he was only a cook.

I doubt that claiming to have been in charge of the ovens is going to help his defence much.
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They are Jews so fucking bad at CoD?

They're all fucking campers
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What do you call a flying Jew? Smoke.
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What's a Jews favourite band? Nickelback
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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Depends on how fast they can run to it without getting shot.
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What did Hitler say when all the camps got raided? Did "jew" see that
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What’s the worst thing about being black and Jewish? Having to sit in the back of the oven.

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That boy in the movie "The Visit" must have been jewish, his nazi grandmother knew he belonged in the oven.
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What's grey, runs along walls and kills Jews?

Gas Pipes.
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How do you pick up a Jewish girl? With a dust pan and brush.
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Why did Hitler kill himself?

Because he saw his gas bill.
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What kind of car can fit 1000 Jews?

Any car with an ashtray.
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Hitler: "This is Hitler to the Concentration camp, what does the weather look like?"
Guard: "Hail Hitler."
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Shared by If Then
edited by MC Jester
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What do you call a jew? Dead.
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What's the difference between a jew and a bag of shit?
The bag
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A gas planet?

We call it Jewpiter!
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What sound does Hitler make when he sneezes?
"A Jew"
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You wouldn't believe what the nazis did to my grandpa!
6 years in the S.S. and he wasn't even promoted to officer rank!
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What did harry find in the chmaber of secrets

Jews
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What did the Jewish pedophile say to the child?

            "You wanna buy some candy?"
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Don't jewish your boyfriend was hot like me.
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What's the difference between Justin Bieber and a Jew?

At least Jews can be useful sometimes, like when you want to get warm.
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what do you call a jewish camp? a concentration camp
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I walked up to a jew and saw that he  looked  hungry... So I said hey Jew you look hungry, do you want a bagel. OK here you go. How was the bagel I said. I look at the ground. Whoops that was bleach.... Yikes
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whats worst than The Holocaust?.... A Stubbed toe
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Why does a shower head have 11 holes? Because jews only have 10 fingers
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whats the difference between us ? "jew" are not me!
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what's worse than the holocaust? six million Jews.
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What would you call a flying Jew?

Smoke.
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Why don't Jews wear Jordan's? Because they holocaust a lot of money
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How do you fit 5 nazis and 2 Jews in a car. 2 nazis in the front, 3 in the back and you put the Jews in the ash tray
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What's the difference between a Boy Scout, and a Jew?

One comes back from camp
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Hey guess what jews used to take baths with. Acid
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my dad died in the holocaust!
he fell off an watch tower
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How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb none cause they got turned to ash by hitler
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Q: Why don't you invite Hitler to a barbecue?

A: Because he burns all the Franks
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What do you call a hot jew? ash
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im part of the not-see party
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so the other day i saw a hot jewish girl, and so i rolled up her sleeve for her number.
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Why didn't the Jews see any German Jews? Because the German Jews went into the oven before the other Jews.
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Why won't Jewish girls let German guys cum in their mouths?
They say it taste nazi
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How do you pick up a Jewish girl?
A broom and a dust pan
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¨My Love for Jew is unbearable¨
¨I can nazi us together¨
¨Äuschwitz¨
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Don't touch my cookies! They are freshly baked from the oven. Like the jews.
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Can you "nazi" that all of these  jokes are racist anne frankly i think this is childish
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STFU before I use Jew-jitsu on ur ass
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What did Hitler give his neice for Christmas?..... An easy bake oven
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What's worse than 1 beesting, 2 beestings, What's worse than 2 beestings, 3 beestings What's worse than 3 beestings, the holocaust, What's worse than the holocaust, 4 beestings
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What burns faster paper or jews?
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What sound does Hitlers gun make?
 "Jew Jew"
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They say there is strength in numbers.
Tell that to 6 million Jews
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What's a similarity between a black man and Hitler? Neither can finish a race!
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Q: What do you call Hitler today?

A: Donald Trump.
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A Jewish boy was cleaning an ashtray. Hitler walks by and says, "Are you looking for someone?"
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Prisoners, prisoners today we are having a sports day. The Americans will play football on the football field, the English will play cricket on the cricket field and the Jews will play hopscotch on the minefield.
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Whats the difference between the holocaust and the game Call of Duty
In the holocaust there was more than one in the chamber.
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What is the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? A Boy Scout can come back from camp
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what do you call it when a jew throws a german in the oven?
opposite day
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What did the Jew dad say when his Jew boy asked him for 40 bucks?
What do you need $20 for?
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edited by MC Jester
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How many jews can you fit in a Volkswagen?
2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 40 in the ash tray.
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What do you call a German Jew? A burned potato
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I only moved to Germany last week and already I've been banned from the local swimming baths.

It's not my fault though.

They should put a sign up if they don't want people wearing gas masks in the communal showers.
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How do you see how many Jews live in your neighborhood?   Roll a quarter down the street
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Why wouldn't I have sex with a Jewish woman? Because it was out of mein kampfort zone
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WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A JEW AND A PIZZA?   JEW HAVE TO TURN DOWN THE OVEN FOR THE PIZZA
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How much dose the holla-cost
About 11-17 Million lives.
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What's the difference between Santa and Jews?

Santa goes down the chimney.
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Doctor, Doctor give me the news I've got a bad case of killing Jews
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What did god say the first time he made a black person?

Oops. I burnt one.
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I don't know if I can trust my Jewish barber. He doesn't actually have any hair himself.
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Hitler said he wanted a glass of juice not to gass the jews
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Introducing the new jewish shower! Now with chemicals!
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How was copper wire invented?  2 Jews fighting over a penny
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edited by MC Jester
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Were does the black jew sit?


         In the back of the gas chamber.
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What did hitler say to the hot Jewish woman.

Roll up your sleave so i can get your number.
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this shit aint funny the holocaust was no laughing matter, because they didn't use laughing gas
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what did Hitler say to Anne Frank: AmsterDammmmmmmmmmmm
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y did the fat relief teacher fall over

bc she did nazi it coming
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Why was the Jew all out of breath?

Because He was gassed
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When I asked for Anne Frank's number. She pulled up her sleeve.
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Why are there so many black Jews  because they were at the back of the line for the gas chamber
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What is the difference between a Jew and a steak?

A steak is clean when it goes in the oven.
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what did the german say to the jew?
smoke a biff so i can blaze your ashes
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what is the difference between a pestcontroll guy and hitler?... at least one of them gets paid to gass a pest
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Hitler was so good at roasting he burned 6 million jews
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My grandpa, too, died in the war!..
He fell off of a watchtower...
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Where do Jews go to think?
Concentration camp!
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How do you get a jewish girls number, you check her arm.
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why couldnt anne frank finish her diary?
she didnt have enough concentration.
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When was the last time the jewish boy saw his father?
At the top of the chimney.
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Why can't you keep jews in prison?
    Because they eat all the locks.
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What did Hitler give his niece for her birthday?

A bakery.
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Two guards meet during camp patrol. One asks the other:"hey, do u smell that sweet, caramel-like smell? Do u know what is it?"
The second replies:"yeah, they're burning the diabetics today...:)"
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what did Hitler get for his birthday
 a easy bake oven and a gi jew
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How do you cook a Jewish person? All jew have to do is call up hitler
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What's the difference between juice and Jews? One goes in and the other goes out
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What do you call a flying Jew?
A kike.
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What's a Jewish child's favorite game?

Concentration
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Holocaust was not funny!
My grandfather died in Auschwitz.
He fell from a guard tower while drunk.
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Where does a Jewish boy with AD-HD go?
-Concentration camp
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Why was Hitler so mad at breakfast?


Because they served him orange jews.
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What's a Jews worst nightmare?  Being creamated.
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Q: Whats the worst thing about being a black Jew?

A: They make you sit in the back of the oven.
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Your holocaust jokes aren't funny and they're making me fuhorous.
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They should call Jupiter JEWPITER because its a gas planet
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Have you heard about the new German microwave?
It's got 10 seats inside!
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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesn't scream when you throw it in the oven!
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how do German tie their shoes

in little NAZI'S
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How did the tree burn down? A burning Jewish boy was trying to get in his tree house
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have jew heard what the isreali defense force is training there army in martail arts? jew jitsu and jewdo
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Hey, wanna hear a holocaust joke??

In the six millionth time, its not funny!!!
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Two jews are having a fight while washing, and one of them grabs a block of soap, as if to throw. The other cries:"hey! Don't involve parents!"
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Why wasn't Hitler invited to the barbeque? He always burns the Franks.
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how do you pick up jewish girls? With a dustpan
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