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Police jokes

Requested in Society & Nature by MC Jester
edited by MC Jester

11 Jokes

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You might be a redneck if you pull for the bad guys when watching "Cops."
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A policeman pulls over a guy for speeding.

Officer: License and registration please.
Driver: My license was suspended after 5 DUIs and the registration in the glove compartment is the owner's. I stole the car.
Officer: This is a stolen car?
Driver: Yep. Come to think of it, I put the registration next to my gun when I put it in there.
Officer: You have a gun in the glove box!?
Driver: Yes, officer. I put it in there after I shot and killed the guy who owned this car and put the body in the trunk.
Officer: Oh my god! There's a dead body in the trunk!?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

The policeman quickly called his captain. Police soon surrounded the car and the captain cautiously came up to the car.

Captain: Can I see your license, sir?
Driver: Sure. (He handed the captain his valid license)
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's my car, officer. Here's my registration. (He was the valid owner)

The captain walked around and opened the glove box. There was no gun in it. He had the driver open the trunk and there was no body to be found.

Captain: I don't understand. The officer who pulled you over said you told him you didn't have a license, you had stolen the car, you had a gun in the glove compartment, and that you were hiding a dead body in the trunk?

Driver: Unbelievable. I'll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!!
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"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be misquoted and then used against you in a court of law..."
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What do undercover cops eat for dinner?
Pigs in a blanket
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A policeman questions a suspect:
- What's your DOB?
- What's a DOB?
- Your birthday.
- Oh, that's September 31st.
- What year?
- Every year, man!
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A police officer pulls over a guy for speeding. He tells him his eyes are bloodshot and asks if he's been drinking. The driver says "well, your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"
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What police officers stay warm on the beat?
Undercover cops
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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police!
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